Michael Showalter

Even though I've had tons of unprotected sex.
(And I'm not proud of that.)
Well, sort of I am.
Okay, I am.
Proud of it.
Mostly just the "tons of sex" part.
Unprotected -- not so much proud.
But let's face it - it feels better.
Don't get me wrong it's not that I don't love the 
feeling of surgical rubber on my dick.
Though come to think of it I don't.
When I have sex with a condom
I feel like I'm making love to the condom.
But anyway - at least as far as know - I don't have V.D.
And when I say V.D. I don't mean "Vegetable Dick."
I'm one of the lucky ones.
Now I have a girlfriend and we have protected sex.
One at the trellice.
One on the clock tower.
One standing near the (well stocked) pond.
And one stands right outside our conjugal bedroom.
I can remember being in Sex Ed class and the teacher told us about "tubiligation" (sp?) That's when they tie up a dudes' weiner and make him not be able to make sperm.
But then he said that you could still have an orgasm.
I was very confused.
"If my tubes are tied then what comes out? Air? Like a bicycle pump?" Was my question.
And I asked it.
And was laughed at.
And felt like a buffoon.
And it didn't matter 'cause I was years away from having sex anyway.
As it turns out, there's more to an orgasm than just sperm.
There's water.
There's salt (in the water.)
This is called "seminal fluid."
Not to be confused with "Seminole Fluid" which tastes like Mike's Hard Lemonade and goes good with wild boar.
Not to be confused with "Seminal Fluid" which is "Important Fluid" like the blood of Christ (a k a "Cheap Red Wine.")
There's water.
There's salt (in the water.)
That's what comes out if your tubes are tied.
But cheating is bad. 
I thought I should say that 'cause I'm running out of time and haven't made a point yet.
And might not.
It's poetry.
So, what's my point?
Fucking with a condom on is fun 
if you like a fucking a condom.
If you get your tubes tied your penis can be a bike pump.
then en

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